I've been working

...at a real job. Not on a project. It's a bummer. I thought this job was going to be very head down, zone out on a mindless task, which would have been relatively nice. They even let you wear headphones all day. But they started training me for a new job almost immediately. That has been a lot of new information to absorb and basicallystressful. I think weirdly now that I'm done training I can maybe mostly go back to my head down task. But anyway. I wake up at 3:30 in the morning, and we get overtime most weeks, and I have a baby at home, so I've really had to set aside drawing and writing. I had actuallybasically just signed up to mentor with Andrew White (great cartoonist) but that fell through no surprise. He was really nice. I'll have to send him a thanks for trying email.

Anyway, weird perk, I've been getting to read books for the first time in a long time during my breaks in weird two page chunks sometimes. It's about an hour a day total (4 or 5 days a week). I've been actually getting through books. I honestly have never read this much before (of actual book-books).

I'm only allowed to carry personal belongings in like a 6x9 inch bag(?) Something like that, I should maybe check if I can buy my own bag to use. They have to be see-through, I'm not sure they have to be the ones they give us. So, just to say, they have to be novels, not oversizedcomics etc (and not all novels I have fit either of course).

But it's been good. (The reading, not capitalism). 

I started by finishing a couple books I was already halfway through. I started them in "quarantine" I'm sure. I keep convincing myself I can shift everything towards a goal. I'm sure I can a couple weeks back then that I was actually reading. And it's good to be receptive to opportunities, but I don't get to choose stuff anymore. I had a passing thought that break time at work would be some good time for drawing a quick panel etc. I started making a plan for a pocket sized studio, complete with mini bluetooth keyboard for google drive on my phone. It was silly! I might try to switch to working on something instead of reading down the road.

I don't know shit about novels. I had like one author I liked. I added that one author into a small mix of "aw, I wish I'd actually read that in high school". And peppered in some "this was adapted into a movie I enjoyed".

Actually that last category is maybe my biggest at the moment. I'm currently reading through Charles Webb' catalogue (from The Graduate fame). Charles Webb is weirdly not a national treasure, and his books haven't been the easiest to find, though I can'tcomplain, they are findable (at the moment..), which is... heart breaking and I will have to write more on that later. I'm also reading I Love Dick by Chris Kraus, which was adapted of course into the series I Love Dick. My reading list includes Tom Perotta, Alex Garland, Stephen King lol, Nick Pizzolatto, James Sallis, and Walter Tevis... All have had their work adapted for the screen, making me feel more confident in those decisions, but making me feel ridiculousas a reader.

I have zero balls apparently. How does someone just take a risk on a book? That's always been a fear of mine though. I feel like novels are one of the worst places for that. It's hard enough to take a risk on a film, man. Books have no trailers, clip art covers, ambiguous titles. You just have to read a book to know whether you're going to like it. And there are billions, man. You might even read an entire book and wait a week before you realize you hated it. Anyone can say a bunch of shit happened; it should be required by law the say on the cover whether any of that shit mattered.

Reading has just always been a really daunting thing for me. I read very slowly. It's a bummer I enjoy it